It's impossible for someone to be a jerk.

It's impossible for someone to be a jerk.
They can, however, consistently perform behaviors that society labels "jerkish".
The distinction matters if we expect people to change.

The biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

We mistake phrases like "stop being a jerk" for feedback. They're not. The phrase doesn't provide anything concrete to change. For someone stuck in that pattern of behavior, it's unlikely to produce different results.

Other common phrases have a similar shortcoming:
- Prioritize
- Think strategically
- Focus on the customer
- Be proactive
- Keep it simple
- Pace yourself
- Don't burn out

The list goes on and on.
These phrases describe desired outcomes, but they don't specify actionable behaviors.

This is actual feedback:
- "Let other people finish speaking before you respond."
- "Don't criticize someone in front of others they respect."
- "Don't make jokes at someone else's expense."
- "Ask more questions and allow them to answer them."
- "Listen to understand, rather than simply waiting to respond."
- "When results are good, name the others who contributed."
- "When results are bad, list your shortcomings."

We compress all of these behaviors into "stop being a jerk" but the compressed version is only useful to someone who already understands the nuance. We shouldn't assume everyone understands.

Providing good feedback takes more effort. But criticizing someone for their blind spot, without helping them see it, is it's kind of behavior.

What would we call it?