Rock bottom is a choice, not a place.

People talk about rock bottom like it's a place.

We describe it as if there is nowhere left to go but up.

That's not right.

Listen to almost any rock bottom story. Lost the job. Lost the marriage. Lost the house. The stories are awful, undesirable moments... but they could get worse. We can always dig a deeper hole.

So what made that moment the bottom?

They decided it was.

Situations change, but it's our response that sets the floor.

Something inside says "enough" and we started to climb out.

Maybe we were in denial. Now we're not.
Maybe we wouldn't ask for help, now we will.
Maybe we see something differently.
Maybe we changed our values.

Either way, our rock bottom isn't because life starts going easier on us.

In 2004, psychologist Daniel Gilbert and his colleagues described the "region-beta paradox." When pain is intense, we act fast. When it's only moderate, we put up with it longer. So "not so bad" can keep us stuck the longest.

That's great news!

It means we don't have to wait for things to fall apart. We don't need to lose everything first. We can choose our bottom and do something different now.

We might need help to make that choice. That's okay.

Asking for help is part of the climb.

The bottom doesn't decide when we've hit it.

We do.