We don't wait until our engine explodes on the side of the highway to learn how our car…

We don't wait until our engine explodes on the side of the highway to learn how our car works. That's how most people do relationships.

James Sexton is a famous divorce attorney. He is doing the rounds on a few podcasts I listen to.

I'm surprised, but I'm LOVING it.

"I don't see the highlight reel. I see the autopsy."

We shouldn't take car advice from people who only sell new cars.
Talk to the mechanic who sees the breakdowns.

Here's what this mechanic sees under the hood of marriage.

So many solid nuggets:
1. Two common mistakes and both involve change:
We assume things will change. "They'll stop smoking when..."
We assume things won't. "We laugh together. It's always been easy..."

2. Marriage is an economy
Does either person feel taken advantage of?
Equity matters more than equality. People don't need to do the same things. They need to feel the exchange is fair.

3. Never weaponize vulnerability
Intimacy gives you access to the best and worst parts of a person. The access should be treated as a privilege, not ammunition.

4. Substance over symbols
Conflict is rarely about the surface behavior.
It's never about the dish in the sink.

5. The standard for success:
"They helped me become the most authentic version of myself."

Stuff NOT on the list:
• It was always easy.
• It was always fun.
• It was always comfortable.